Tuesday, October 27, 2009

True Blood is BACK

Season 2 starts tonight and I am very excited. I have been waiting for this for a long time and have setup the PVR to record it - so I can watch it over and over again!

I am on study break now from univeristy and haven't really got around to doing any work yet, yes - I am very lazy. I want to try finish off an essay tonight and then get down to some serious studying.

The weather is shitty though, I wish it would be sunny so I could lie outside and get both a tan AND an education.

Friday, October 23, 2009

The saga that is Dick

It's strange how you can believe so strongly that you have control. You can tell yourself, your friends and your family not to worry. That it wont end in tears. That I wont be broken and mope around for months after he leaves. But as my Grandpa likes to say: you can't see the mountain when you're standing on it. And I was on one heck of a mountain.

If I had been my family or a friend of mine I would have been screaming and telling myself to get off that damn mountain. But you see the mountain had a British accent and was very good looking. He also has a jet setting life, a house in both America and England, a flat in London and very good prospects. This mountain would have been quite the catch. I wanted the mountain.

The first time I saw him was when I was outside my university's Anthropology Department. I had picked up an extra course and was trying to find my name on the tutorial list. Because I had registered late they hadn't allocated me one yet. So, the secretary had told me to join one which fitted my time table. I was trying to find one when a guy walked up next to me and peered forward to see the lists. It was one of those moments where I was genuinely taken back by how good looking he was. I sort of did a double take and then carried looking at the lists. I saw him look at one in particular and I figured that was the one he was in. As I continued to look casual he asked me where we collected the course packs from.

We had contact!

Because it's really hard to direct someone fiver metres down the hall and into a corridor I offered to show him and walked him to the office. As we walked my hand hit his as I swung it back. It's lame and girly but this little bolt on electricity shot up my arm. I pointed him into the office and tried to look very cool and thin as I sucked every inch of fat in.

I decided that I was going to go to his tut. I don't know why but I had to find out more about him.

Friday, October 16, 2009

I want to be Sookie Stackhouse

A friend gave me the first season of True Blood yesterday. I have watched ten episodes in two days. Varisty work? What varsity work?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

An issue of mass

I’ve never been petite or fragile looking, and I’m more soft then toned or slender. But I have been able to remain reasonably happy with my body – even through the tortuous high school years. Apart from not having the will power to not eat, I enjoy food. And food obviously enjoys me, or at least my stomach area. The bugger.

I have a little pouch. It’s not of beer belly standards or suggestive of being in an unfortunate condition, but it’s there. And I don’t like it. But I’ve never hated it enough to do much about it. You see, I’m lazy. I love sleeping and napping, reading books and watching TV. Pass the popcorn please.

Yet, I have still succumbed to the opinion that thin is beautiful. And that any extra centimeters, or God forbid inches, around my waist are paramount to failure as a woman. I used to believe that part of the allure of being skinny and slender was that it was easier for you to be rescued. If you’re in a burning building and a tall, dark and rippling fireman burst through the door to save you, you need to be relatively light to be swept up into his arms and carried effortlessly down the stairs to safety, your inevitable marriage and happy ending. If you’re a heavy girl your daring rescue became slightly more unseemly and may end in your unfortunate demise. Who knows, one less muffin and you might have had it all?

If people ask me what I think about the media’s continuous promotion of the ideal female form, I answer (in a very serious voice) that the modern woman needs to reject this ridiculous standard and embrace the body that she has. But at home when I stand exposed in front of the mirror and see what most others don’t, I know I’m a liar. As ‘modern women’ we are the receptors of two very contradictory messages. The magazines which place size zero models on their covers contain articles on the horrors of anorexia and bulimia in the modeling industry. We read articles on healthy eating plans and balanced diets which sit opposite advertisements which feature the model’s hip bones more prominently then her clothes.

In the sixties women burned their bras in rejection of the expectations that society placed on them. That generation is remembered for throwing off and burning their bras, but our generation’s women may also be remembered for their relationship with their lingerie. Our ladies too are burning their bras; however they just have forgotten to take them off first. We are not innocent victims – rather masochists. We oppose unrealistic standards from society when our friends, children and colleagues are listening. It is of course the PC thing to do. But when we are alone and naked we so easily slip. We falter and our gaze is no longer embracing or forward thinking. It is harsh and cruel and everything that we fear others think.

Ah, we are complex creatures. We so want to be secure with bodies, but we are our own saboteurs. And being hypocrites we’ll continue to point fingers and blame the media, men and the modeling industry as the smell of smoke lingers tellingly in the air.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Waiting waiting waiting

He said he would sms me on Monday. He did, just to say hi though. "Heya Jane. I don't really use facebook but thanx so much for the invite anyway. I'm sure i'll c you around campus. Catch you later." Mmmm, okay. When? Coincidently, when the stars align?

Of course I asked my sister what she thought. This was her speedy text reply -

"A guy friend says it does not sound promising. He says you must act chilled. be more chilled then he is. Dont be a bitch. Be layed back..Love you sexy. Jus a little less effort then him.."

Okay, then. Chilled, layed back, not a bitch.

I think I can handle that.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Late Monday Night Distractions

I hate it when bloggers disapear for ages and then start writing again and give a whole diatribe about how busy they were, and how sorry they are. I'm not going to do that.

His name is Matt. He is cute and funny and already has a nickname for me. He has his own flat and all I can imagine is lying in bed on a Sunday morning with him and reading the papers and eating toast with sweet tea.

But he would be the rebound guy from the "International Student Which Broke My Heart And Made Me Cry" - or as I like to call him "Dick". I don't want him to be the rebound guy though.

I wish I hadn't slept with Dick. Fucking Dick.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Recession Blues

This recession is biting our ass big time. Although South Africa isn't technically in a recession it sure feels like it. We run a business from home and depend on it for our main income. It pays my university fees and my sisters board and school fees up in Gauteng. It pays for my horse's livery and shoeing. It pays our bond, our lights and water, our rates, our satellite TV and pretty much everything else.

We have never been well off but we have always been able to make the most of what we have. We have a lovely house because we bought it in 1997 when you couldn't give property away. I wear nice clothes because I know where to shop for bargains and I alter older stuff. I have a horse because we were able to just afford it every month.

My father doesn't have savings. It's not like he has a nest egg or a bank account with ten or twenty grand in it. We literally live from payment to payment. Last night I went to draw money out our account and we were left with a balance of R21.

Since September last year our income has dropped R30 000 to R40 000. That means that every month we have to make due without it. And it is starting to take its toll. I have to sell my horse, which feels like giving away a child or a loved one. I went through a stage when I would cry every single day.

I couldn't register for university because we owed money for last year and we also have to pay the R2500 deposit that was required. My dad had to phone my older sister and ask her to pay for me.

In January I earned R3400 from working. And I worked bloody hard for it. Over December and January I only had one day off per week. I have had to send most of it up to my sister who is studying and had to use the rest to pay a lights and water bill so they wouldn't cut us off.

And the hard part is I can't complain to anyone because I would look like a spoilt little rich girl who is getting what is due to her. But it hurts, even if I do deserve it.